Figure Out What The Climate of Your City Will Be in 2080.
The Most Common Description on Your City in 2080: Much Hotter.
The Second Most Common Description: Riddled With School Shootings.
I've Corrected The CNN Headline for This Story.
"This Guy Was Killed Mid-Genocide."
Archaeology is About to Change Forever.
But it Will Still Remain the Most Badass of Sciences.
Congress Just Surprised Everyone By Going Against Trump's Guidelines And Substantially Raising Federal Science Funding.
Which Makes You Think That Neil Degrasse Tyson Has His Own Version of a Stormy Daniels Tape With a Bunch of Republican Congressmen.
Last Week's News
This Double Dick-Faced Animal Is Almost Extinct.
Possibly Because It Never Learned To Truly Appreciate What It Had.
After All, There Are Deer In Africa Right Now With No Dicks On On Their Face.
A Non-Human Researcher Just Discovered How To Use Toothpaste To Treat Malaria.
The Trick Is To Rub It With a Soft Cloth Into the Scratches On The Shiny Surface of the Malaria.
Smelling Their Partner's Shirt Can Reduce Stress Levels in Women and Increase Stress Levels in Their Cheating Partners.
An Already Approved Diabetes Drug May Cure Alzheimer's Disease or at The Very Least, Make You Forget You Have It.
Your Gummy Bears May All Be The Same Flavor.
Welcome To The Matrix Neo.
Exercising Your Face Muscles Can Make You Look Younger But Doing it Too Much Just Let's Everyone Know That You're Desperately Compensating For Your Tiny Tongue.
If This Picture Bothers You, It's Because it Activates the Disgust Response in Your Brain.
Or Because of You Can't Imagine How Long The Post-Beach Clean Up Time Would Be.
A New Procedure May Eliminate Back Pain Permanently.
So Get Ready To Fake Some Other Injury For Your Medical Marijuana Card.
Or Your Pain Pills.
Or Your Impotence Excuse.
Unless You're Black, You Are Probably Not 100% Human.
Which Is Both Scientific Fact And The Catchphrase That The Far Right Imagines The BLM Movement Chanting Every Night Before Bed.
A Mother's Microbiome May Have Significant Effects On Her Baby.
Which Will Undoubtedly Usher In An Entire Generation Of 'Your Mama's Bacteria Is So Anaerobic...' Jokes.